Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
