I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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