I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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