she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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