need another drink. this is the easiest way
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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