apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
