She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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