He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I enjoy the company of your penis
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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