How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
