dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
