I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
