id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
