Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
