Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
