it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
