I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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