he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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