I want to walk on stilts...naked
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
