I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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