Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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