just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
