I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
