Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize