Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
