Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
