We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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