I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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