Who wears a wallet chain?!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
BRING THE BAGELS
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