I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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