I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
