I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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