she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
