Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
