my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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