youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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