Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
