I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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