Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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