i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
me + whiskey = a bad person
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
