I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
