As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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