A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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