I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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