You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
