You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
