a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
