sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
