Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
