Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
