Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
