I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
