Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i need an iv and a liver transplant
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
