super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
