Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
