oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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