the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
