woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How does one acquire holy water?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
