Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
