Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
