DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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