omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
