i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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