wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
