Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
