haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
