I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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