oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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