after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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